I straight up flushed my January goals down the toilet.
Like wrote them on a piece of paper, and then promptly sent them down to go live with the rats.
Because that's where goals belong...in the toilet.
Now this may shock some of you that really know me. I mean, I am the epitome of all things goal related in human form with coordinating gel pens to match, but this year I realized just one tiny thing about my love of goal forming.
They don't really form you at all.
In fact, what I have found is that they truly do the opposite...they UN-form you--as in un-do ravel you to a point of no return. I have never been a worse version of myself then when I can't live up to the high standard I set out for myself in the form of a goal. It is an ugly merry go round of self-hate and a never ending rollercoaster ride of comparing my efforts to those already accomplished. I am short tempered and aggravated. I am impatient and task focused. I am the mom and wife that I never wanted to be.
What I have found is that goals slap you in the face and tell you, you are an incomplete human being. And almost every single time I have written out goals at the start of each new year, I find myself mid-January staring at them and wondering why I am such an utter and complete failure. It is pure torture not only for me but for everyone around me.
I think goals don't work because they have an end date--a goal in mind. That if somehow magically I managed to achieve said goal..that I would finally be the person I always dreamed of being. Goals not only take me away from the person I truly want to be, but ultimately lead me to a death sentence of shame. There is no self love or compassion in goal setting. It is a black and white, yes or no check mark next to your name. I have finally realized that January goal setting for me, is a form of self hate--an added pressure that I can never live up to and therefore never be qualified as good enough. Ever.
Goals don't push me to be a better person, they end up making me a worse because I'm too hyper focused on all the failing. And all the goal setting brings out my worst because they are only focused on the doing and not being.
And I'm done with it.
So I literally flushed them down the toilet.
And here's what I realized.. becoming a person, as in forming into the person I always wanted to be--the better version of Carla-- takes daily disciplines of showing up for not only myself but others. Who I want to be is always centered around how I make others feel after I leave their presence and how do I feel about myself in the process. It's about PEOPLE, not staring at my goal list wondering how I'm going to check all those little boxes.
So instead of writing down a list of actions, I'm writing out a list of attributes--characteristics that when added together provide a complete picture of a life that brings peace, fulfillment and has impact. A life that includes a peaceful and fulfilled Carla. Not stressed, and not irritated, rushing through life like I'm out to win some rat race. Thoughtfully becoming WHO it is I want to be and HOW I want to spend my time has become the priority. And I cannot describe to you the freedom I have felt since flushing those life suckers down the toilet.....Who knew that flushing a toilet would bring such bliss? Because when I KNOW what is important to me and WHY, I will make the necessary changes in order quite easily--goal setting not necessary.
This life is about making small choices that align with WHO you really want to be and spending your TIME becoming that person.That's it. Take off the pressure and do yourself a favor....Throw those January goals in the toilet with me.
P.S I'm a huge reader and listener of podcasts. I wish I had been smart enough to think of some of these ideas on my own, but I'm not. Check out The Brendon Show and To Hell with the Hustle (book) both dive deep into this head space.