How do you know if you're the problem in your relationships? And I mean the MAIN source of most issues.
It's kinda hard to decipher. Because when YOU ARE the problem MOST OF THE TIME you don't think so.
We are SO BLIND sometimes to the truth. There is THE TRUTH and then there is #ourtruth. Our truth is filtered through our past hurts, wounding and experiences and therefore should be looked at from a cautiously open point of view. It is NOT the absolute truth. It just isn't. But so often we FULLY BELIEVE that our truth is the ABSOLUTE, and the end-all of everything.
Take me for example. My life imploded on itself and I went through one hell of a divorce, which made me stop and re-evauluate like I had never done before. Prior to my divorce I don't think I even thought twice about how my actions impacted others. Ok well, maybe I did think twice but I wasn't really open to hearing the truth. I was too busy defending my truth. I was too busy trying to get my own needs met. I can honestly look back and see where I went wrong time after time. I spent a good 20+ years being self focused while trying to get my own needs met and then stomping on anyone that prevented me from doing so. But in that same breath, during that time period I REALLY AND TRULY believed I was the self-sacrificing and generous person in all my relationships. Truly I did.
It wasn't pretty. And those closest to me didn't always love being around me or even in a relationship with me.
And looking back the signs where there. There are ALWAYS signs to help guide you. You just have to open to seeing them.
So I wish I had known then what I KNOW now. (ain't that always the case.) So here is my checklist to tell if you are THE PROBLEM in your relationships.
Only read on if you are willing to take a good hard look at yourself in all honesty. It's time to put on your BIG girl (or boy) pants.
There seems to ALWAYS be conflict with someone in your life. It doesn't even have to be those closest to you, it can be the soccer coach or the Starbuck's barista. Either way, you can't go a day without some sort of conflict. Almost always we show our true selves to those closest to us and if you find yourself in constant strife, you may want to re-evaluate your part. Tip: Pick your battles.
People don't really ask you to do things with them. Or you are constantly feeling left out. Ouch! This one can hurt. But people eventually will get tired of your shenanigans and just simply stop asking you to do things. Tip: Stop being a dud and start being fun.
You find yourself mad about SOMETHING daily that someone else has done or said to you. You are easily offended and everything hurts your feelings. Tip: Stop being so sensitive.
You bring up issues from ten years ago like it happened yesterday and want to discuss and dissect how such an event hurt you.Tip: Go to counseling and then get over it. You can't change the past, you can only change your reaction to the past.
You make plans and then change them to better suit your needs. And then change them again when you realize the first plan is inconvenient. Tip: Honey, the world does not re-volve around you. (I must admit, I still struggle with this one.)
You get upset when plans are made without your input or permission. Your circle of friends made plans and had the audacity to not consent your schedule. Tip: Be grateful they even included you in the first place.
You have a severe case of FOMO. Fear of missing out. And the thought of missing out drives you to act insane. Tip:Own your FOMO and realize that you are right where you are suppose to be and God has your back and will ultimately meet your needs!
Let's face it people, the world will keep spinning even when your head is spinning out of control. And if you found yourself identifying with the thoughts above, realize that most of your bad habits come from a FEAR of something. Fear drives us to act out of control. Fear wrecks havoc on our lives. Fear needs to be addressed and dealt with. And the funny thing is I have found that the more I put other's needs before my own a magical thing happens---My own needs end up being met in the process. Fear loses it's power. Life without conflict and days filled with peace are so priceless and are so much more valuable than me forcing others to conform with my own desire to get my needs met. Love wins! It's a win for you and a win for everyone else.